take back.

last september.


I met a guy. He was actually been thru the same situation. 
His mom got sick. On off to the hospital, almost every single day. We understand each other. We got each other. I advised him what to do, tried to comfort him to not worry too much. We shared the same interest. Everything was okay and went well. 

One day, I prayed to Allah if he's the one, show me the best path. It took few months to have a serious talk about relationship. All I can say that he was not ready. I can't do anything if he doesn't feel the same as I do. I can feel it. I gave him space and chance. We supposed to go out for a date. But he didn't show up and canceled everything.

And I prayed again. I believe Allah SWT is The Best Planner.

I scrolled randomly on my IG. I saw him with someone else. Clearly with someone else. I was holding myself, gripped myself. Again clueless. Closed my eyes and breathe. Yes, my heart said he is not the one for me. We talked about it. But this is it. I had to let him go. He didn't want to choose sides. I decided to go. Heartbroken (I was stupid to trust a guy like that). It all happened just a night before my mom passed away. 

I was heartless. That was the most lowest weakest moment ever in  my life. 

Only Allah SWT has the answer. We as human need to believe His Plan, His Arrangement, His blessings. Always believe in Him. Pray to Him.

I believe one day, there will be a rainbow after the rain. 



بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمٰنِ الرَّحِيْمِ


24 September 2016
7:30 am

Mama telah kembali ke Rahmatullah. Pergi tidak kembali lagi.
Tepat pukul 7.00 pagi, Ayah kejut ku dari tidur untuk melihat saat saat akhir Mama.
Nafasnya, Ya Rabb. Allah saja yang tahu. Mata kirinya telah tertutup sayu kelihatan. Mama kuatkan diri untuk menghadap kiblat lalu membaca dua kalimah Syahadah. Aku terus mencium tangan dan kepala nya. Diri ku terus rebah, air mata terus membasahi pipi tanpa henti, fikiran tidak menentu. Terkedu. Tergamam. SubhanaAllah. Dua nafas terakhir Mama. Dia telah pergi. Sekelip mata Ya Allah. Sekelip mata di jemput Malaikat. Adakah dia telah memaafkan segala salah dan silap ku sebelum ini? Cukupkah amal ku padanya? Jawapan nya tidak pernah cukup dengan pergorbanan seorang Ibu terhadap anaknya. Aku pasrah dan redha dengan ketentuanNya. 

Ya Allah, kuatkan lah diriku ini untuk menempuh kehidupan yang sementara ini Lillahitaala (kerana Allah Ta'ala).


Running with a lower pace

Peace be upon you, Salam.

Been away for so long. It feels like a second until we are here again in Holy month of Ramadan. Alhamdulillah.

On last February, Allah has given me a chance to perform an Umrah in the most Holiest city of Islam, Mecca Al Mukarramah. Syukur Alhamdulillah. I could never imagined that I was there right in front of Kaabah standing very numb and felt how small I am in this Dunya. The greatest feeling. SubhanaAllah. He is The Greatest.



Future Dilemma

Just graduated last month. Alhamdulillah.
My degree has officially certified with First Class Honours.
Few years back, I planned for something which I thought it could be real.
Just be on track and move to next phase of life, I was wrong.
Now I learn so much about how real life is. Get a job, be with family & friends
Have fun. I think my life is so complete. Nope. Still struggling to find my way
and trying to be a better Muslimah.
6 months without a proper job makes you think of something you might not do
in future. Limited time, stress, problems? Negative vibes.
I just hope that I'll continue Istiqomah in whatever I do.
Slowly, step by step. In sha Allah.


Keep yourself with Doa

Doa or prayers are like walls. When foundations (solat) are fully filled, it needs a protection shield. So called Doa. Doa for someone you loved the most. For someone you cannot be with. I wish Allah will give me one more chance to meet him...Amin.



Real friends are hard to find. They are like diamonds. We might not be together every day like we used to be but I feel like you're here with me even you're not. I hope you are doing fine.


Only with God's will.

Hello Lemon & Ginger.

What makes you happy?
I've been thinking. And thinking.
How am I gonna be in next 10 years? Working? Married?
Growing up is not easy.
Being responsible is not easy. Every single thing in life.

First, job security. Yea, we need pay our own bills. This and that.
Then we will knw how hard it is. What to do after graduated? Work?
Continue Postgrad? I don't hv anything in mind yet. This is tough. Decision.

Second, makciks and relatives start asking me "Bila nak kahwin?"...
Malas nya. Kalau la ada depan mata, senang la cerita. Seeking for the right one ain't easy
makcik oi. Well, I'm not the kinda girl yang bersocial with random guys. I hv this feelings towards
this one man. I don't hv guts to start the conversation. We've known each other back then.
But not sure if he knows my name ke tak .
Few years back. Before got ourselves in uitmpp. Yes. This year. We bumped into each other twice?
I think so. After all. After years. Good to see him back. I was totally numb and quite surprised to see him
out of the blue.
Absolutely shocked. Only Allah knows. Alhamdulillah good to see him.
He nvr realize pun kan. Bluergh. Okay stop dreaming As.

Now back to reality.
What matters now?
Allah S.W.T. My beloved family and close friends.
I believe in Qada' and Qadar. With God's Will. In sha Allah.


Melawan Arus

Ramai orang cakap "Bermula dengan menentang rasa takut" or "Away from my comfort zone". Haha. Yes I did my first Skytrex in Bukit Cerakah Section 8 Shah Alam. Big Thrill package RM45.00 per pax. We did it! Jyeahh,


deeply in love.

Save yourself,  I could be better. I wish I could. Everything we had together was real. Deep inside, I still do. 


Apabila jatuh rebah


Sememangnya memori yang lepas memang sukar dilupakan. Tidak boleh dilupakan. 
Sungguh. Tetapi, memori yang baru akan memberi 1001 makna kepada kita. 
Apa jua ujian melanda, ingat apa yang wajib dan minta kepada Yang Maha Esa. 
In sha Allah. Keep calm and pray to Allah SWT.


Salam Readers,
I'm finally back after long-long-long time w/out any updates.
He he he.
Blogspot sudah totally lain. Jenuh cari post button -_-''



Exploration will start within 2 more days! Pray for our trip! Amin.

p/s: Will update you soon!


Dream Wedding Themes!

Wedding Receptions/Themes

I bet every girl has their own ideas for this once in a life-time event. Siapa tak suka?? Suka kot kan. When I was kid, I always have this feeling of being so thrilled by the marriage. With whom I want to marry, my dream wedding theme... blah blah blah and the gifts! Haha. I'm so into this stuff right now. Beginner stage of being an adult. My god I'm 22 now. I know I'm still young.
Okkkk. So now, back to the story girls....

What is your dream wedding themes????

For me,
I love pastel colours, very cozy and moderate. I'm not into hot colours, sebab terlalu glamorous and diva-ish sangat. Haha. For the themes, ermmm I love candyland, vintage, seasons... banyak kot. Every single idea boleh combine and jadi your own theme tau. It depends on your budget and creativity.

Free to share some ideas ;)


Teh Tarik Clan

Only if I am a business-minded...


Losing myself

Sometime, things might have turned out differently as we expected.